Articles > Inspiration > Dancing with Life

Dancing with Life - An Introduction

Once we are sure of our personal direction or life path, and begin to follow it in earnest, we are likely to find that many months or even years pass where we slowly slough off the negative assumptions and expectations that hold us back.

For me, the setting up and first 6 years of Ashwhin has been a wonderful adventure, but it has also been very scary. Sometimes a little scary, sometimes just a tiny bit scary just in the background, and on several occasions it has been downright terrifying. I think this has many elements:-

• old habits of reaction that we have from our childhood, that are no longer appropriate or helpful

• the tendency to focus on loss and failure rather than abundance and joy

• a lack of trust in life

• and a lack of trust in our own inner voice, our own certainty and vision

But I have found that when you continue on the path which is yours to follow, and show your diligence and love by just putting one foot in front of the other, that you can begin to make wonderful things happen. The very best and clearest way this process has ever been expressed to me is by Will Parfitt, on his psychosynthesis course. The following statement is one of the best gifts I have ever received:-

My life and I co-create my life and I

I love it so much because it totally explains about how control works on a healthy and creative basis. Most of us, have to deal with control issues at some point in our lives, for it is very hard for us to let go and trust when we have been brought up in the western culture of today. And there is the thorny issue of responsibility - where it begins and ends, and how to be responsible without then beating yourself up when things apparently go wrong (I say apparently because of course from a different point of view things go perfectly - always).

Anyway, I love the concept that control and responsibility are all rolled up in the process of living and creating. The idea that you and the life choices you make reflect each other, and grow each other and energise each other. And, ever since Will gave me this wonderful quote, my life has been changed - maybe just a little, but it was a powerful little. It has allowed me to release so many unhelpful patterns from the past.

The model of life as a process that is ever being created - by me! And that my life (and all the big and little choices that make my life what it is) support me and contribute equally with the way each day unfolds... For me, it has been an invaluable model and tool for growing.

What I have taken from this quote so far:-

• That all my past has led me to here, so I can release any doubts or regrets or sense of disappointment

• That the past is a fabulous resource and continues to influence - but not control - my life now

• That the future really is what you make it, just like Mom always said!

• That there is always and ever hope, every day, every hour when you work wholeheartedly with life

• Ashwhin's 7th year - Coming of Age

Although Ashwhin opened her doors on 21st December (1999), a truer date for her birth is 13th August, for it was on that day that I brought a slightly reluctant Peter (he hates change) and our little family of three cats, Jessie the border collie, and a tank full of fish to Scotland - following my soul's dream.

So when the final transfer of the ownership of this wonderful old farmhouse was completed last September, it seemed the perfect omen of abundance and wonders to come in this 7th year of turning a dream into reality. When I say it like that it makes it sound like I was very hard nosed and focussed, but this was not the case. As ever in my life, my vision shimmered and flowed, changing, developing and going off at unexpected tangents. A perfect example of life and I TOGETHER co-creating. Where my dreams and interests and nature were woven with the needs of clients and friends, the farm, and the community in the evolution of a very special place - Ashwhin Balanced Living Centre.
Where Ashwhin goes from here will continue to depend on how I grow and the influences and people who come into my life, and in this magical 7th year it feels as if the energy has stepped up a pace, or deepened in magnitude, or simply that whole process is flowing better and surer. Describing the energetic momentum of my life is not so easy in words, and yet it seems that I must share my sense of wonder and joy in the way of it. Last autumn there was an incredible sensation of spiritual release, it felt like a vast log jam that had hindered progress and starved Ashwhin of energy had reached a critical phase and begun to break up. It did not happen in the way that a dam of logs on a northern river might, with a bang and a surge, but instead it broke up silently in the night like the thawing of river ice in the springtime. For the whole of the end of 2005, the energetic river purged itself.

Internally it felt like huge lumps of icy fear melted and were whisked away. There was a buoyancy and effervescence flowing everywhere, turning our work (that had almost became a chore in the stagnant days) to fun and celebration.

And it did not just effect us, the retreat attracted people right through November in its first year - hooray! Old friends turned up out of the woodwork, and new friends appeared daily. The reception of our flower essences has been overwhelming - and we are only now getting into the wholesale side of things.

One Life Live Exhibition - A Turning Point

Perhaps one of the best things for me as an entrepreneur was that the organisers of One Life Live found me and asked me to be a part of their brand new exhibition - for people wanting to make changes in their lives. It was a big commitment, especially doing it all on my own (with a little help from my friends), and also with the travelling via train and bus to London - with heavy boxes and bags. But for a million reasons it felt like the right thing to do, so I booked my place, wrote an enormous cheque - and took two weeks off over the Yuletide season.

Then on 4th January I began the marathon of designing, planning, writing, re-writing... which really was only completed two nights before I left for London on 2nd March with the final folding party. It was a magical, manic, heart searching time. I believed in Ashwhin, and loads of clients and friends have come here and been supported and helped one way or another. BUT, facing thousands of strangers, with the right attitude, spiel, and all the elements that would bring dozens more people here was an amazing lot of work.

Looking back at the materials I produced, I am extremely proud - and the stand was special. It said what I wanted it to say, and did so professionally, but not in the hyper-slick stylised way that so many small stalls did. Having done all mine in-house, it had its own style and a very friendly and approachable feeling to it. Of course I would do a couple of things differently, and so I will for any future exhibitions. But all the hard work and the learning process was nothing compared to the incredible wave of change that I found myself on.

I am not sure that anyone has actually been aware of what is happening to me - although many people have commented on how well I look now.

Describing the sensations is particularly difficult because the sense of what is happening and how I am feeling about it changes - sometimes day to day, sometimes hourly.

When I am feeling calm and philosophical it feels like I am in the process of gestation, an interlude between one life chapter and the next - which with any luck means that the process may be over by June. In the best moments I feel incredibly serene and untouchable and at that very same moment utterly connected to this wonderful world, and totally in love with life. Then there are the strange times when I just feel like I am not quite present in my body, yet I am, then it is as if I have one foot in two different planes or dimensions. There are the minutes that seem to last forever when I am overwhelmed with excruciating feelings of happiness that make me want to laugh and cry at the same moment - and leave me feeling wrung out but purged.

The process is so strange, but it is fun and I feel like I am learning at hyper-speed levels - learning spiritually. And, that eventually I shall be able to access all the stuff, the emotions, the insights, the gifts of energy. Because underlying every moment has been this sense of purposefulness, the certainty that every second is exquisite, and the undeniable awareness of wonderful things to come. Yet with all this has come a sort of soft pragmatism - where I find is easy to do everything I want to do for work, Peter and the kids, friends and clients, the community, the garden and house, and for me... and I go at it gently and slowly, so I can really enjoy it all.

I do not know whether I have managed to convey any of the feelings that I am in the grip of - probably I have said too much - chalk that up to having an overactive imagination - or simply being in the throws of hormonal changes.
But, actually I think that where I am is fabulous - and I highly recommend that each and every one of you promise to follow your heart, defy your fear and go for it. And remember Will's words:

My life and I co-create my life and I